Have you ever heard the saying, “This ain’t my first rodeo?” Well, being the mom of a high school senior is my first rodeo. It feels like 8 seconds are winding down, I’ve been thrown from the bull, stepped on, and now the rodeo clowns are headed out into the arena. Instead of helping me to safety, they just give me a kick in the gut, shake their heads and walk away. Dramatic? Nope! This is my interpretation of my first-born graduating and leaving home.
It Was the Beginning of the End
Like most high school students, he started to talk about graduating at the beginning of his junior year. Honestly, I didn’t think much about it because it seemed light years away. Then August rolled around, and crap got real!
Senior registration day started out like any other stifling hot and humid August day in South Texas. That was until the afternoon rolled around and our son informed us we didn’t need to go with him to registration. Excuse me! I grew him for nine months while puking my guts up. I would most definitely be there for the last registration. Unfortunately, hindsight is 20/20, and by the time we finished winding our way through the registration line, I was rethinking my stance on being present for this milestone. There was the senior t-shirt to buy, the yearbook table where we purchased a full-page ad, and then the brochures for photographers for senior pictures. By the time we got out of there, it was wine time.
The Deadlines Approach
Then the deadlines began looming menacingly in front of me. First, it was the deadline for the senior ad. This meant I had to go through what seemed like an endless number of photos from birth to the present and choose only 15-17 to put on his ad page. That was no picnic. I needed about ten pages for all the pictures I wanted. Surely everyone would want to flip through page after page of my child. Alas, I did have to narrow it down. It was a long process that brought back so many wonderful memories.
There were the pictures of the times he would stick his burpy into the front of his diaper while playing so he wouldn’t lose it and the many birthday parties smiling by his cakes that I made and decorated for him. There were pics of him in cowboy hats and undies, wearing his dad’s basketball shoes and too many more to mention. My eyes teared up so many times I lost count. I just recently had to approve the proof of the page and am happy to report that the finished product turned out fantastic. All the stress over choosing the right pictures to represent his 18 years was unnecessary.
The next deadline I had to meet was getting senior pictures scheduled. Once we chose the photographer, it was time to choose the outfit or outfits. Yes, sometimes they want pics in a bunch of different outfits. Did you know that a wardrobe change means an increase in session charges? Well, it does. Thank goodness my senior is a guy and didn’t want wardrobe changes. He wore jeans he already had but did allow a new shirt. It was a pullover, but at least it was new. I worried for weeks about these pictures, and even though they had to be rescheduled once due to a hurricane, they went off without a hitch. They were over in about 20 minutes. It took longer to drive to the location than the $150 session lasted, but they turned out amazing. Again, all my worrying was for nothing.
Ready or Not, Here Life Comes!
OK, so I revamped that saying just a little. But seriously, I’m not entirely sure the boy is going to be able to survive without me. This is a real concern.
Will He Smell?
He has had to do his laundry for a while now, but I don’t think he has ever hung or folded an article of clothing. Clothes just get thrown in the basket, and that’s the end of it. When I complain about the wrinkled look, his response is, “Mom, I’m a guy.” He is not going to school naked, so I guess that’s a win.
Can He Clean?
Cleaning is also not one of his strong points. His room is in a constant state of disarray, and by disarray, I mean it looks like a bomb has gone off in there. Did you know that dirty plates, empty water bottles and half full Whataburger cups do not bother most kids? Oh, and you can’t see his floor on most days. I went in once and started gathering dirty clothes because he asked me to find a shirt for him. When he got home, and everything was in the laundry basket, he about died. I had mixed his clean piles up with his dirty ones. Wait, what? He thinks clean clothes go on the floor? Just one more example of why he does not need to leave me.
What if he is in his apartment and his feet get all tangled up in his laundry piles causing him to trip and bump his head? No one will be there to hear the thump and save him from bleeding out on his clean clothes heap! A little too far-fetched? I think not. It’s a real worry.
What Will He Eat?
Then there is the matter of nutrition? He thinks he can cook, but I don’t believe ramen and frozen dinners count. Who will be there to encourage him to buy natural peanut butter instead of the hydrogenated kind or to have a nice juicy chicken breast with veggies instead of swinging into a Whataburger? No one, that’s who.
What If He Does Try to Clean?
And then there was the infamous dishwasher incident. I know people say, “It’s the thought that counts,” but when that thought becomes an inch-thick layer of bubbles covering the kitchen floor, I wish he had kept that thought to himself. He was trying to get a few brownie points by loading and starting the dishwasher. Unfortunately, I had failed to discuss the difference between the -er and -ing when it applies to dishes. You know, dishwasher liquid when you put things in the dishwasher and dishwashing liquid when you are washing the dishes by hand.
I feel like there will be a lot of paper goods and care packages in the boy’s future.
Never mind. I’m Ready for Him to Go!
There have been days, though, that I’ve wanted to boot him out a bit early. I had a friend tell me that he would start to do things that would help prepare me for his eventual flight from the nest. I didn’t believe her at first, but recently there have been times that I’m counting the days to liftoff myself.
The Appearance of the Jerk
Case in point, a couple of days ago he wanted to go to a playoff basketball game in town that we were going to. My husband suggested we all go together instead of taking two vehicles. His reply was, “That’s fine, but sometimes I just really want to go places by myself.” Say what! That really hurt my feelings. Maybe it was because it had been a long week at school or maybe my meds were wearing off (Yes, I’m medicated! You want me medicated!), but I then refused to go because I was ticked off and pouty. I kind of forgot who the adult was for a minute and ended up being the one that lost out on the game and time with my kid. I did not make the right call on that one.
Desire to be an Adult
Another bone of contention was the girlfriend. The majority of the year, he was dating a young lady and spent most of his time with her. I found myself constantly wondering where they were, what they were doing, was there adult supervision? I kept running my phone battery down by continually checking Find My iPhone making sure he was where he told me he would be, but there isn’t an app that I know of that could tell me if he was making good choices. It’s a terrifying thing when your kid is out and about. You can only hope that you’ve raised him right and if the urges become too hard to withstand that he remembers to “wrap it up!” Is that the wrong advice? Maybe, but it is responsible advice.
Overly Excited to Leave
Finally, the constant, “I can’t wait to get my own place,” is driving me crazy. I want to smack him, and I don’t mean a little kiss on the cheek. What would it hurt for him to pretend he is sad to leave home? I would greatly appreciate it if he could be thoughtful enough to squeeze out a tear or two for my sake. Is that too much to ask, because I don’t think so? Maybe if I remind him that I had to be hospitalized four times due to dehydration and the inability to keep anything down while happily protecting him inside my delicate body, he would reconsider his constant chatter about moving out. I may have brought this up a time or two in his 18 years, so it may not be as effective as I’d like.
And the Solution to Surviving your High School Senior Is
Hugs
Hug obnoxiously. No, I’m serious. You need to get your hug on. I don’t care if your son or daughter is not really a big hugger or if you have never been overly affectionate. Now is not the time to worry about any of that. You don’t have very long left with them, so use your time wisely and hug.
I’d like to point out the regular bedtime hugs and leaving to head to work hugs, but don’t forget the going upstairs to change hugs, the just getting something out of the truck hugs, or especially the running downstairs to grab a drink of water hugs. Become an expert (insert annoying) hugger. Everyone will be thrilled and if they aren’t coming around to your way of thinking, just wrap them up in a bear hug until they get with the program. My kids think hugs are the greatest. Actually, I think the younger two just feel bad for me and are putting up with it. Whatever! I’m loving it.
Get Over It!
Second, get over things quickly. They are going to do things to make us mad or hurt our feelings. Just remember, frontal lobes aren’t fully developed until about 25. They can’t help themselves. Sometimes you are just going to have to let crap go, and when you think about skipping out on the Little Dribblers game he is coaching due to hurt feelings, don’t do it! Go to that game and cheer your heart out for his team. Sit proudly as he argues with the refs because they don’t know the rules and it is hurting his girls. Then be there after the loss to hug him and keep him from continuing his “discussion” with the refs (He is so much like his dad.).
If you skip that game because you are mad or don’t show up to a function that is important to him because you just don’t like his attitude, remember that you will never get the chance again to be at that one event. Once it passes, the opportunity is gone for good. It is a moment in time you will never get back. They may say it doesn’t matter if you are there or not, but I promise that they will remember if you made an effort. Just go. Support. Cheer.
Talk, A Lot!
Next, visit with your senior. Enjoy the time you have left with him under your roof. Have him sit with you and just talk about nothing at all. Now are the times we want to focus on making sure they are prepared to be on their own. We want to discuss responsibilities, money, how to be a productive member of society. We should have these discussions, but we also just need to have a chat, as I like to call it.
Talk about the good old days like when his brother was a baby and ate a roach causing him to throw up or the times he projectile vomited mashed potatoes because of the texture. (Yes, I tried to feed him these more than once. I just couldn’t wrap my head around a kid not liking mashed potatoes. It’s weird!) Tell funny stories. Tell sad stories. Just share, share, share. I should warn you that you may need to be calm when they start sharing back, especially, if you should find out that he, his brother and sister used to climb out the window in your old house and sit on the roof. After all, no one got hurt.
Final Thoughts
Recently, I was complaining about this whole rush to grow up and leave issue when one of my sisters pointed out, “This is all y’all’s fault. Y’all have raised him to be independent.” That certainly helped to put things in perspective. Now I will sit back and enjoy the time I have left with him still living under our roof.
With the few months we have left, I will try to enjoy all the little things that we are usually too busy to focus on. I will chat more, hug constantly, and just be in the moment more. Make memories and remember that it is ok to cry but try not to put a damper on their senior year because you don’t know how to handle it. That’s where I’m at. Just trying to make it through one senior year day at a time.
Now I’m off to try to decide on graduation invitations. Nothing like waiting until the last minute to do something important.
Let’s Chat
If you have something to share about being a first-time senior parent, please do so.
